Everyone at some stage in their life ends a relationship, but most of the time it remains unfinished. All of us have a kindergarten or school love, that never became our life partner, or a college crush who became our other half but then our roads parted. There are lots of scenarios, but what’s common about them is that any such relationship leaves traces, scars, memories and questions like How come? What if? Why?.
“The story of us” (that’s how he loved to term our relationship, as he thought the plot of our story resembled in a way that of the movie with Bruce Willis, Michelle Pfeiffer and the wonderful Eric Clapton OST Get lost) began 20 years ago. He saw me in the street, BOOM love from the first sight, he found me online and it all spinned off. He was younger than me but …(let me now continue through a song that best describes the course of events):
…But very wise was he
And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return
(Nat King Cole – Nature Boy)
I had another romance unfolding at that time and his love was of little interest to me, whereas he was, as I deeply enjoyed our conversations and his uniqueness and craziness. His eyes, though, were always tricking me, for I didn’t love him in the traditional sense of a woman loving a man, but How come?, when I looked in his eyes, I found the universe there. Never ever any eyes of any of the billions of people on planet Earth gave me this feeling. The only eyes I can visualise perfectly and this visualisation even now makes me shiver.
After a couple of unsuccessful romantic relationships and with his persisting and very romantic/beautiful love, I decided to give it a go. I thought, ok, he’s dear to me, I don’t want to lose him as a friend, he loves me like crazy, there’s some kind of a connection there that this eye chemistry is proof of, maybe…maybe it’s him, my destiny.
It lasted for a week. Everything started to fall to pieces, he subconsciously triumphed a victory and wanted revenge for all the unrequited years of love, there came in other ladies, but more importantly I didn’t feel I loved him truly, madly, deeply (another song he’d play on the radio for me).
We broke up. He believed this was the end of the world for him. It took him years to somehow settle with the idea and be able to just cherish the love without the need to have the object of his love necessarily next to him. I’m not sure if he realised this eventually and fully accepted it. For many years I would wonder, What if that was a wrong decision. But somehow now I know I saved the beauty and purity of this love by letting it live on its own.
I found my happiness, I built the family of my dream with a man I love, I have the most beautiful and wonderful children, who could only have been born to a blessed union. But it is inevitable, and sometimes you get to ask yourself Why…why it didn’t work, who was to blame, what was the purpose…
I think I have the answers now. But that’s a topic for a new post.
I hope I will validate these with him once I finally find him, either in the astral of this lifetime or in the lifetime of the astral – in the afterlife eternity.