Ever since the day he was gone I have not been able to watch movies, if only documentaries releated to metaphysics and esoteric subjects, nor have I been able to read books other than the ones on these same topics. Somehow all of this entertainment has become unimportant, meaningless and distracting. Seems like it should be best to find something to do in order not to think of the loss all the time and be distracted, but I don’t want to. I feel like I need to develop myself, raise my spirituality and consciousness in order to be able to connect with him better, and so I want to spend all my available time on research and practice. And then I need to keep him in my mind in order to feed him with this energy of love, as they say one lives on for as long as they’re remembered and I feel like there’s a level of truth to it.
And yesterday he came to reiterate that.
I was reading this wonderful book “Two lives” by Cora Antarova, which at some point he led me to find through his reading lists published online. It caught my eye as he quoted a part of it and it sounded exactly the esoteric stuff I was craving at this time. It’s an amazing book which was banned in Soviet times for being occult, but each page of it is a simple truth of life and it describes this very journey of spiritual enlightenment I feel I am tapping on these days.
And so it was during this indulgent reading that a movie caught my eye on the TV as there was a girl who had some psychic abilities. A fantasy movie which I normally wouldn’t have watched, but somehow, even though it was halfway through, I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen.
And here comes Vin Diesel and there’s a spark between him and the special girl. And at some point I can clearly see my twin’s features, looks, smiles, mimic and postures in him.
It was a total breakdown. I probably missed about half an hour of the further developments lost in cats and dogs tears only getting back to the movie right in time for the key scene, where the guy is about to die and she somehow rescues him and says “You must live on”. And he dies, after which he is somehow brought back to life through some hi-end technologies.
I felt like this was the thing I was meant to see here, the reason why I was made to watch the whole thing. As if he wanted to tell me that he continues to live on.
Another breakdown. And at this very time for some reason I’m logging into this blog and there’s an alert of a new follower. And their name just strikes me – Don’t you forget about me.
I WILL NOT EVER! If it keeps you alive and close to me…and then there’s no way I could, anyway.