It was my birthday the other day. Of course I didn’t celebrate as I just didn’t have enough strength to celebrate life when I was still mourning death. I know you aren’t happy about it and would have encouraged me to celebrate, but I just couldn’t, not this time. I would have to
pretend that I’m having fun, and pretending is the thing I hate most.

I also asked for a present, which I’m still waiting to receive – a new dream, where you would wish me a Happy Birthday and would give me a hug, just like this

tumblr_mx6jgr2fmh1sy6m2qo1_500

Is that too much to ask? No, I’m sure it isn’t and I’ll be waiting as much as needed, even if it’s my next birthday. Because what’s a birthday, a relative value, nothing. It’s one day in lunar calendar, another in the Chinese calendar. And in fact when are we born? When we leave the womb on a scheduled C-section day, or natural birth day or when the conception occurs, or never at all, because we are eternal and never die and are never born…

I guess, there was one more reason why I didn’t celebrate. Once many years ago you asked me what would happen if you were to die in your 33, I said I would die in my 35. That was due to our age difference, as you are two years younger. Words and wishes of this sort have a very strong power. It is my 35 birthday. I’m not afraid. In fact I am amazed that I am still here. Given the relationship that I am now discovering we have and the power of this union I am totally bewildered that by some wondrous chance I wasn’t gone the same day, the same moment as you. I must have some really important stuff to deal with here if I continue to remain.

Well, if so, once again – Lead me, guide me, walk beside me. And don’t forget about my birthday present!

Dilemma

Quest

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7 thoughts on “Birthday birth-death ponderings

  1. I am not sure what to say. Belated Happy birthday or happy birthday.
    umm your post, what to say.

    Life no matter the down – life is special, we are special, we are all unique – live it enjoy it and celebrate your birthday – because the world will not be the same with out you. I mean it. If you see the world as a big massive play. Each part in a play is vital to the drama unfolding on the stage.

    So we all play our parts, may be a bit part but an important part

    TC
    Look forward to reading more of your post – I am hoping I will be a bit more organised and have time to read and comment.

    Like

    • Thank you, for the time to read and comment, for the congratulations and for the wisdom. I do agree regarding our roles and as I wrote in the post I now see my mission as even more important than before because I’m still here. I really am happy and appreciate life for the chance to experience this beauty even the beauty of drama. I am just reassessing many values and truths, habits and rules…and I’m breaking them, playing with life, it’s amazing. Not celebrating birthday in this light is quite amazing. Thanks again for your role in this drama!

      Liked by 1 person

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