Photo: Colin Anderson / Getty Images

Catapult to the afterlife

These past couple of days have been full of technological know-hows related in one way or the other to afterlife. I wonder if this is a result of my consciousness creating my reality where I, yet unable to connect substantially to the other side through the tools available to me, that is my own mind, am creating aiding technologies to do the work for me. I don’t think any tool would ever replace the spiritual connection that we all are capable of establishing and which we should actually aim at developing, but still as a temporary aid I wouldn’t mind having these at hand.

First I came across the soul-phone! WoW! Have you heard of this concept for a device which will enable communication with the loved ones who passed on!? It’s promised to come in stages, starting with a simple yes-no button widget, then a keyboard which will be a more advanced analogue of the Ouija board where the ones in spirit would be able to type us messages…and then will come the audio soul-phone and, at the very far end of this concept line is a video communication device. I thought it was a prank, but going deeper into the research and people behind this, I must say I’m not that sceptical now. You can watch this if you’re interested and have a spare hour, it really is an interesting presentation!

Next came the movie I-Origins, which I found on a couple of afterlife movie recommendation lists.  The movie was based on the concept that no single eye pattern repeats in two humans, and that the eyes are the window to the soul, and most importantly, and this is a bit of a spoiler, that when people reincarnate they might be recognised by the eyes. There was a technological solution in the movie which would scan the eyes of all people around the world and would store them in a database. Thanks to this database it was possible to identify a person with a similar eye-pattern and find the reincarnate of the deceased loved one. I enjoyed the movie a lot, as it covered a lot of the philosophies I follow, there was a lot about synchronicity, past life memory and twin-flame connection, which is exactly what I live by in this current stage of my life.

After the movie I indulged in the daydreams of one day being able to possibly find the new incarnation of my soulmate, if he chooses to reincarnate at all. I feel like he hasn’t yet, since I can feel his spiritual presence very strongly. I believe, it would decrease or end altogether with him reincarnating. So in a way I dread it, in another I look forward to it…And then I get lost due to not understanding all the mechanics and implications of these possibilities properly. And due to fear of losing touch with him someday.

And then there came the sign, as always at sacred moments like this, when I feel most connected telepathically to him…As if to reassure me that he was still there, with me. As I switched off the movie on my phone, somehow the YouTube app popped up itself, without me launching it, and there playing was the MOST OUR song of all our songs of all time! The song that he used to put on in his car as he would spend the night under my window…The song that would lull us as we drifted into sleep on the two ends of the phone…The song that he would order for me on the radio back in the days when this was one of the most romantic gifts one could give to their beloved. And I had never opened this video on YouTube before this to think that it just stayed there open and somehow reappeared as I closed other apps. It just appeared…itself…

And as the song goes, I am grateful to him for everything! For all these magical moments that keep me sane and going, for the energy that he puts into being there at my side when I most need it. And for the eternal love!

Love

Hope

Evanescent
Survive

Dreams as clues

I once painted us…sitting on a bench with trees behind us. Although the embrace was very tender, the trees in the background were telling a different story. The one on his side was in full green, while the tree behind me was all faded yellow. It was autumn in my heart, still warm but with a breath of the inevitable winter. And there was that evergreen tenderness in his eyes…

The painting was long hanging in my room until I got married and moved out. My mom took it off the wall and wasn’t sure what to do with it, so I decided to give it to him. He took it eagerly but I never knew what eventually the fate of the painting was.

I still don’t.

After he was gone I was trying to find it, but it wasn’t at his place, his mom had never seen it and after searching in all possible places it was nowhere to be found.

And then I thought that it might be a good idea to ask him to lead me to the painting in my dreams. Not long after he came into my dream and was in a bathroom, leaning over the tub. I told him I could remember perfectly the phone number of his grandparents’ place where he used to stay quite often and where he would call me from during the long overnight talks. I said the number in the dream and made a mistake in the first two numbers, which he laughed at, but then I corrected myself.

I woke up and immediately let his mom know about the dream, asking her to check out the grandparents’ bathroom. She checked everything, including climbing the ceilings, but it wasn’t there. That would probably be too easy and too fantastic.

But I’m not giving up. I will still be waiting for more clues until I find it. Not that my walls are empty without it, but that would be a very strong sign that you’re still there. I don’t even need the painting, as I have grown very unattached to material things. I have the painting in my heart, and my heart is an overcrowded gallery of memories of you, framed like stills from our life, each starting to play in a loop as a thought of a moment lingers in. Priceless, unforgettable moments…

Earth

Spike

A tear for a year

Can’t believe a year has been through…

This makes me hopeful that waiting for our reunion is not going to be as dreadfully long as I would imagine.

I was waiting for a special sign on the occasion of the anniversary, and, as always these days, my thoughts manifested themselves into my reality.

I was taking shower losing myself in thoughts, rewinding the memories of the day, the ceremony at your grave, and then back to the day a year ago, when you suddenly appeared in my thoughts so strongly and how it then turned out to be the time of your passing.

As I opened my eyes from these steamy reveries I was dumbfounded by the image that I saw in front of me – the bath curtain bent into folds forming an absolutely accurate outline of your face! There were your small uzbek eyes, the chubby nose, the lips with the mild and comforting smile upon them and even the small scar on your right cheek that I so adore. It was so accurate, that it felt as if you were standing right behind the curtain and it was mimicking the contours of your face pressed against it.

I was afraid to touch it, so that it wouldn’t get distorted and lost and so I stood there talking to you for a while about how I missed you and how I was looking forward to your next visitation in my dream and how I was thankful for always staying around me and reassuring me of your continuous presence.

Suddenly a teardrop appeared right under the spot of your right eye ready to fall. Did I make you sad, or was it tears of happiness, do spirits cry at all? Or maybe you wanted to show me that seeing me so painstruck and restless was making you sad. So I immediately wiped my tears and went into the positive mode, appreciating this wonderful visitation and reiterating my strong intention to find you wherever you are and however long it might take.

Love

Hope

Center

For eternity

One, two, action!

As if it was not enough for me to see and acknowledge the signs from the other side, I suddenly decided to engage with them and see where they might lead me.

I am in a small waiting room, in a queue for submitting some documents, when suddenly I overhear the conversation of the person at the customer service window, who announces his wife’s name, which is so bizarre  that I can’t but play with it in my mind. Her name is Love and her surname is that of a famous local poet.

For some reason I immediately think of the statue of this poet and it feels like someone is whispering that I should travel there right after I leave this place. For an instant I brush this off and say to myself that I’m going nuts and this is way too much, but then I remember the inspirational article I was reading the day before where it was advised that doing new and crazy things were good to our psyche, so I think I’d go on this little adventure just for fun and for the sake of busting the routine.

Once I’m out of the place I drive to the statue. I can see it from the back and turn around to read the name of the poet to be sure I haven’t confused it with some other statue. As soon as I finish reading the name of the poet and reaffirm for myself that this is my destination, I look back in front of me and there’s a car which has our numbers on its number plate, the numbers that stand for Love.

Riddle solved, sign received and engaged with!

I must confess I drove after the taxi just in case if there was anything more to it than just the declaration. But it drove into some backyard and stopped without any further mission.

But I think this was a good warm-up for me and perhaps now that I have seen engaging with the sign can have further depth to it, you might send me on more complex adventures!

Love,

Hope

Repurpose

Automatic

Rendezvous for eternity

For some time I have only been getting very subtle signs from you, mostly finding our numbers everywhere I look. It has become so natural though, that I almost started to complain in my thoughts about the vagueness of your interaction. And although I’m trying not to complain about anything these days and be happy and grateful for everything that life brings about, this one has probably made its way into the space and you have picked it up to come and soothe me yet again that you’re there and our thoughts and energies are constantly connected.

As part of my dream experimentation I have started taking a great interest in all related literature, movies and other materials. A recent series came to my attention some time ago and I put it on my to-watch list. Although, again, I’m trying to restrain myself from any TV brainwashing and disturbing information flow these days, special movies still make me revive the otherwise mute black screen.

Here I am, watching the Falling Water series, which is mainly telling about shared dreams, where the protagonists are natural lucid dreamers and they are finding themselves in the same dream with each other to try and solve their real life problems.

One of the protagonists is in love with a dream character who at some point gets into trouble and he is trying to use conscious/lucid dreaming to find and save her. With this storyline unfolding, I was already relating to how I am trying to establish a connection with you through my lucid dreams and how possibly we can help each other through this interaction.

And here comes this episode where the guy finally realises how he can enter the dream to find her, so he rewinds the reality to recover the burnt envelope with the photo clue to the girl’s whereabouts, and when he turns this photo, I am dumbfounded! Of all the possible number combinations in the world there is our number (in reverse, because this is the mirror reflection of the waking reality)!

I take this as another strong sign from you that I am on the right track and the dreamworld and parallel dimensions are the place for us to be…together forever in the infinite eternity.

Love

Hope

   
Exquisite

Ambience

To new beginnings!

It’s so hard to let go of this year. Even though this was the year that took you away, it also was the last year when you were still around for a month and 18 days, sharing your smiles, love and wisdom with the world.

But it is a rule of life, everything ends to begin again. And I’m sure there are no exceptions to this rule, and as the new year will come to take the place of the old,  you were only
gone to be born again, and separation is only there to lead to a new encounter.

And I’ll be looking forward to it…

Love,

Hope

Tempted

Grieving allowance on a widowed birthday

Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I feel like a widow. I am not, God forbid, but my pain is just as acute. And that leads me back to how everything in our life is conditional, labelled and square.

If I were a widow, I would be understood and my grief would be expected and acceptable, I would have an allowance of about a year to grieve. If I am not, if it’s a soulmate, a friend, you can’t even explain it in the first place, and you can only grieve for a week?, a month?, well and occasionally, for example when it’s their Birthday.

Finally I can grieve openly today. It’s your Birthday.

It’s the only day of the year, when we would usually talk in the last 10 years. Through my birthday messages I always wanted you to know, that you are not alone, I’m with you in my thoughts and you are special to me.

I think, knowing that you are special for someone always makes life more beautiful and worthwhile. At least it has been so for me and I always cherish the thought of those people for whom I am special. Even if there is no physical interaction for some ‘material’ ‘earthly’ reasons, I always send some good vibes towards these people and I know these are felt and important at some level, some frequency, even if transmitted and received unconsciously.

I have always felt your vibes, too, and I so want to thank you for filling my life with so much love and ‘specialness’. Your love has always been imprinted in my consciousness and made me feel irreplaceable, unique and love-worthy.

May the day you were born be blessed!

And here is an urge to everyone to send those good vibes to all the people you love and who are special to you. I would challenge you to let them know you’re thinking about them, even if there are seemingly insurmountable obstacles, separation, fight, hard feelings. One day it might be late. Mind the Gap

And I will go ahead and survive this difficult day when I no longer can send you a birthday message, but can still elicit those loving vibes in anticipation of our next meeting in the dreams.

Love

Hope

Chaotic