The reading – legit or not?

One of the first things I decided for myself early in the days when my grief was very fresh and when I set myself the intention of finding my way to my twinflame, was not ever, not for all the ayahuasca in Peru! to go and see mediums or channellers. Not that I don’t believe that some are really able to make the connection [otherwise I wouldn’t aim to train myself as one] but just because I would never be absolutely sure that it was him. And then, direct interaction was what I was after.

I’m not sure which the determining factor was – was it the long time it was taking me to connect to my twin and the slow progress with the spiritual practice, or was it the temptation that I couldn’t fight when the opportunity arose – but I broke my promise. And I am having mixed feelings as a result now.

I wasn’t looking for any readings specifically, because my mind was fully occupied with the meditation practice, lucid dreaming and astral projection, energy work etc. However, when I got the recommendation to contact a lady who had a similar journey to mine and had proved to be quite accurate in her readings as a result of a near-death experience, the worm made its nest in my mind and I was already making up the excuses.

And so I arranged for a reading. There was quite a waiting list and I had to wait for a month. During this month I would imagine this talk for many times working out all the possible scenarios, trying not to be too optimistic about it, and still this was a terrible distraction to everything I was after and I was really hopeful to get a strong validation of his presence in that reading.

It was my first reading ever, I never knew what to expect and perhaps this was one of the reasons for the slight disappointment with the accuracy of the communication. The medium was a bit off quite often, but also on spot for about 70% of the time.

Prior to the talk I asked my twin to pass on to me through the medium some messages, that would leave me assured:

Image result for bullet number circledFor some time I’ve been feeling very low about him not having left an offspring, a son or a daughter, who would be a piece of his physical existence in this life. I must admit that I even had a crazy thought, that if there were a DNA bank with his material, I would probably have gone and done an AI. And once I had a visitation dream, where he was sending me messages on Facebook and among the other stuff there was a postcard of me and him and a boy of about 6 or 7 who was his son…or maybe our son…

Anyways, the first thing I wanted him to validate through the medium, was something related to this boy.

The second thing I asked was that he shared one of the many signs or dreams of him that I’ve experienced during this year and half, so that I could be sure that those really were signs, rather than me going nuts and that it was him in my dreams and not solely my mind’s construct.

Image result for bullet number circled     The third thing I wanted to get as a validation was our secret number.

The fourth one was the location of the painting.



And ultimately, I wanted him to reassure me that we indeed were twinflames and that this wasn’t something I made up (I do have this critical thinking spurts occasionally).

The medium first warned me that it looked like this was the first time for my boy to be channelled too and so he might not be very skilled at passing on the messages to her. I’m not sure how this works, probably through symbols and telepathic thought exchange, but maybe there’s some truth to it…

Well, she knew it was the spirit of a male at once, but this didn’t impress me much, because there were only two options to choose from anyways.

The first thing she said that she sees something related to fatherhood and protection. She suggested the spirit could be my father’s, but I told her this wasn’t the case. She still would insist that the message she was getting was related to children, so she asked if we had common children with the man, to which I said no…but intuitively I was already linking this discussion to the first validation on my list…

She then told me the accurate age, saying he was in his thirties when he passed on and she also told me the reason of the death and that it was unexpected. She said he was a victim of bad addictions (indeed he died of drug overdose) and that this was making me very mad. Yes yes and yes! I always was very mad at him for taking the damned drugs.

She then told me that she sees tears in the bathroom. Well, yes, I do sometimes cry in the bathroom, I guess all of us do sometimes and I’m sure those who grieve loved one’s loss do this even more often. But the thing that came to my mind was the one case when I saw his face imprinted on the bathroom curtain and there was a drop of water rolling down the part of the curtain where his right eye would have been, and it was so much like a tear… So this could well have been the number 2 on my list.

She also said that he came to my dreams often. That is of course true, but again, who doesn’t dream of their deceased loved ones…She said that he wanted me to know it was him indeed in those dreams. Number 2 again…

She then asked me if there was anything specific that I wanted to ask, and so I said that I would like him to validate himself by giving our secret number. She said this wasn’t something she would normally do, and that it would be difficult (well, I bet!), but she would try. The first number she said was exactly the first half of our 4-digit number code. She was unable to give me the second half, but this still was quite impressive…Number 3 half-met.

I then asked her if she could help me find a thing I was looking for that he had stored somewhere. Again, this was a difficult task and she was first to guess what the thing actually was. She made a mistake here, saying this was a piece of jewelry…but as I said it wasn’t, her second guess was almost close – she said is it a paper…well if a canvas/painting can be treated like a paper, something you can paint on…maybe she was close. Anyways, she was unable to tell me where it is but she said I would find it someday. I hope so…Number 4 just a quarter-met.

And then as we were finishing the talk she said “You felt his passing, didn’t you?”…I was stunned. Of course I did! That’s how it all started! And here she said the fifth one – she said “That’s because you are twinflames…”.

I’m not sure if she says this to anyone who she feels was romantically connected to the spirit, but she was spot on here. She said he was always around and that I can feel his presence, which is true…

There were some minor things that she said that seemed a bit off to me, but that might have been the misinterpretation…

I was exhausted after the talk and I spent the rest of the night analysing the messages and the accuracy rate and the probability for coincidences, but what I came up with was even if she were to say generic things, like some mediums are skilled to do, would she have hit all of these items on my list more or less? And well overall, the 70 or even perhaps 80 percent of what she said was accurate in this way or another…

Now tell me, am I being too wishful and could these just be coincidences coupled by a skilled medium’s experience,  or is there more to it? I would really love to hear some impartial thoughts…





One, two, action!

As if it was not enough for me to see and acknowledge the signs from the other side, I suddenly decided to engage with them and see where they might lead me.

I am in a small waiting room, in a queue for submitting some documents, when suddenly I overhear the conversation of the person at the customer service window, who announces his wife’s name, which is so bizarre  that I can’t but play with it in my mind. Her name is Love and her surname is that of a famous local poet.

For some reason I immediately think of the statue of this poet and it feels like someone is whispering that I should travel there right after I leave this place. For an instant I brush this off and say to myself that I’m going nuts and this is way too much, but then I remember the inspirational article I was reading the day before where it was advised that doing new and crazy things were good to our psyche, so I think I’d go on this little adventure just for fun and for the sake of busting the routine.

Once I’m out of the place I drive to the statue. I can see it from the back and turn around to read the name of the poet to be sure I haven’t confused it with some other statue. As soon as I finish reading the name of the poet and reaffirm for myself that this is my destination, I look back in front of me and there’s a car which has our numbers on its number plate, the numbers that stand for Love.

Riddle solved, sign received and engaged with!

I must confess I drove after the taxi just in case if there was anything more to it than just the declaration. But it drove into some backyard and stopped without any further mission.

But I think this was a good warm-up for me and perhaps now that I have seen engaging with the sign can have further depth to it, you might send me on more complex adventures!





Rendezvous for eternity

For some time I have only been getting very subtle signs from you, mostly finding our numbers everywhere I look. It has become so natural though, that I almost started to complain in my thoughts about the vagueness of your interaction. And although I’m trying not to complain about anything these days and be happy and grateful for everything that life brings about, this one has probably made its way into the space and you have picked it up to come and soothe me yet again that you’re there and our thoughts and energies are constantly connected.

As part of my dream experimentation I have started taking a great interest in all related literature, movies and other materials. A recent series came to my attention some time ago and I put it on my to-watch list. Although, again, I’m trying to restrain myself from any TV brainwashing and disturbing information flow these days, special movies still make me revive the otherwise mute black screen.

Here I am, watching the Falling Water series, which is mainly telling about shared dreams, where the protagonists are natural lucid dreamers and they are finding themselves in the same dream with each other to try and solve their real life problems.

One of the protagonists is in love with a dream character who at some point gets into trouble and he is trying to use conscious/lucid dreaming to find and save her. With this storyline unfolding, I was already relating to how I am trying to establish a connection with you through my lucid dreams and how possibly we can help each other through this interaction.

And here comes this episode where the guy finally realises how he can enter the dream to find her, so he rewinds the reality to recover the burnt envelope with the photo clue to the girl’s whereabouts, and when he turns this photo, I am dumbfounded! Of all the possible number combinations in the world there is our number (in reverse, because this is the mirror reflection of the waking reality)!

I take this as another strong sign from you that I am on the right track and the dreamworld and parallel dimensions are the place for us to be…together forever in the infinite eternity.





Like in the movie – no, better!

The other day was your 7 months day. It’s not getting any better, if better is letting you go. But it’s better in the way I have started treating death and understanding life.

It was in the evening that my hubby suggested watching a movie and strangely enough asked me to check out what’s available. My initial thought was to find something that would be close to afterlife love story, but then I decided that it would not be to my hubby’s cinematic palate and started browsing through the new released films. And there it was this absolutely amazing title – A universe for two. This is, in fact, how the movie Correspondence has been translated into my local language, otherwise it wouldn’t even have caught my eye with its cover as I would just scroll it away as another love drama which my hubby hates.

We eventually watched a ‘nice’ thriller, but I was desperately waiting for a moment when I would be alone to watch this movie, that I now read the synopsis for and it was just that, an afterlife love story!


Tonight I watched it.

What can I say? It was a beautiful drama, a heart-breaking love story. I did cry a lot. But there’s one thing that struck me. Before watching the film, I was thinking – Oh, someone
jumped ahead and made a movie about a similar story, something that I was thinking of doing one day, when I would eventually manage to connect with you to the degree I desire – to share with the world, to give hope to those who are grieving, that death is not separation and there are always ways for true love to outlive death into the eternal. This movie didn’t do this. It wasn’t even an afterlife love story after all. I won’t be writing a spoiler here, in case anyone is willing to watch, and I would really recommend watching, as it’s beautiful. But what I realised was that our story is much more powerful, because what you left me are all symbols and memories which let me feel clearly your presence and our connection after you’re gone.

Thank you for this, anyway, I enjoyed the movie and, even more, the after-thoughts, which I’m sure you knew I would arrive at.



Here and Now


The afterlife love story from the beginning


The purple sunflower

Thank you, my dear friend, for your present today. I was waiting for it, I even asked for it, but it didn’t make it less valuable as it came as always as a thoughtful and meaningful sign that reveals all the many ways in which you cared to make it special for me.

It was yesterday that I read this very touching story about a man who gave a sunflower to a complete stranger and this lady had lost her husband shortly before that, so she knew this was a sign from her beloved and was very touched by the gift.

I thought it would be lovely to get a sunflower in similar circumstances, that would be such a wonderful sign from you, but I was doubtful, as the sunflower is not a popular flower over the place here, but anyway I indulged a little into this daydream and then forgot about it.

In the morning, I was walking out of the house with my daughter to take her to the kindergarten. And suddenly the village-man who often sells fruit and vegetables in our neighbourhood rushes to his car and takes out this strange single flower that he hands to me, as if this was his mission for today and he was waiting for me to appear.

I want you to picture this perfectly well, as one might see this like a movie scene, where this stunning-looking lady walks out on the red carpet with hair fluttering in the wind and this Apollo of a man, who just happens to be a villager short of becoming the owner of the largest food-chain in the country, loses his breath and falls to his knees to hand her the flower. In reality, there is this crazy mom, who hardly managed to comb her hair, put on something over a pair of jeans and is rushing to the kindergarten. And on the other hand there is this old villager, who she just greets occasionally in the mornings and hardly ever buys something from.

And here comes this beautiful flower. While handing it to me, he said it was special and rare, a ‘miracle of nature’ as he put it, describing a little further how it grows and what its roots look like.

I immediately thought of the sunflower story, my wish to get such a present from you and then my mind wandered off thinking of the beauty of nature, the miracles of life, how infinitely colourful it is when it is filled with love, openheartedness and positive energy.

It was a bit later that I realised that the flower actually combined two very significant colours, the colours of the flowers which I always put on your grave – white and purple, where white symbolises the purest love and purple symbolises spirituality. For me these are the colours of our relationship and this flower is an absolutely amazing symbol. Thank you!



Open-minded and
fierce I’m in search of my beloved soul in the afterlife.

The afterlife love story from the beginning

Scribbles from the other side

Omg I have a package that you left for me before passing away and I’m holding it in my hands now. No idea where I got it from. It’s an A4 size envelope that I’m opening hastily. Two books and two packs of colour pencils, I gather, for my daughters, one is a bit smaller for my younger daughter and the other is bigger, it’s probably for the elder. You always loved my daughters, I know.

I take out the small red book, flip the cover and there’s a writing that you left for me. I can’t figure out what’s written. What a terrible handwriting you have. I re-read it once, twice…no chance. I put it away and think that I’ll try to decipher it later when I’m home. Wait, where am I?

There’s a sofa in front of me, on it I can see a mid-size grey plush elephant. Great! This is probably your room and you bought yourself an elephant to remind you of your present to me, my Ellie. Above the sofa is a window. I go and check out the view and see some buildings with some billboards in my language, great I’m in my city. This is probably your grandparents’ place.

Suddenly through the window I can see my daughter’s nursery teacher walking past and entering the place. Oh! Ok, so I’m in the nursery. And then there’s a performance by the children and some other dream characters I don’t know and other bizarre stuff. And then I wake up.

I can’t remember when I last woke up so happy and so disappointed at the same time. This wasn’t a visitation dream, like the two ones I had earlier, but getting a trigger from you in a dream was very cute! How on earth could I not recognize this trigger, though. I practise this daily, ask myself if I’m dreaming and check writings on billboards, screens and in books, whether they read fine or are unreadable, which is a red-flashing sign that this is a dream. And here you go, I have this wonderful trigger in the dream and I continue dreaming without wondering why is that that I can’t read what’s written. Bad handwriting…yeah…stupid cow! this is what I call myself in times like this and then immediately I think that it’s such a disgrace for someone like me practicing all the yoga and observing the 8 limbs to label a cow as stupid. Dear cow, please forgive me.

One other technique of lucid dreaming apart from reality checks like reading text, is the Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams (MILD). This is when you use your memory to induce a dream. There are methods like repeating to yourself your intention to become lucid in the dream right before sleep, I do that all the time. The other method is to visualize your last dream and imagine as if it continues and you are lucid in it. So what I did this morning was going back to bed again and trying to resume the dream and become lucid. Didn’t work. Fell asleep and had some other crazy dreams.


When I woke up again I tried another technique. Daydreaming. Easy, I do that all the time. And the Fun! began.

I rewind the dream and then wake up, going on my business. I then meet a friend of my twin in the street and he passes me the package from the dream, saying that it was requested by him that the package be passed to me exactly on this date, that is after I have the dream. So the dream was real! I take out the red little book and flip the cover, it says: “Nothing will ever change my love for you, not even death”. This very sentence he wrote to me back when we were still dating. I cannot read it without tears now.

End of daydream.

Back to reality. Analysis. Dream journal. Writing down all the details of the dreams. Had five in a row tonight. Logging my choice of food and herbs last night that led to this productive dream-night. Bananas and mugwort tea. Although the whole week has been very productive since I started taking mugwort, asparagus roots and B6. This surely is going to lead to a DILD (Dream Induced Lucid Dream) if I don’t forget my reality checks during the day. I’m so close to it. The triggers are there, some dream characters who are already dream signs I can recognize. Just a little left and I will be able to lucid dream at will. And there we can meet and talk and I will hug you oh so strongly.

For those of you who might be new to the subject but interested, here’s a video that you can explore:






The afterlife love story from the beginning.



Wait for me, Ellie or the plush harbor of tears

It’s one of those rare cases, when my lucky number doesn’t give me positive feelings. Today is 5 months since my friend shed his physical body and left this dimension called life.

It hasn’t gotten much easier, it still hurts terribly to think about all the impossibilities, memories are around every corner as are tears ready to pour in response to a song, a place, a name.

The only thing that has changed is the now firm belief that he lives on in a new form. It will still take time and getting used to relate to him in this new way and to accept the egocentric nature of wanting to see and hear and feel him physically, as well as to communicate properly, but I know he’ll be with me every step of the way and I will rise high above the vibration of grief. Here’s a quatrain I have written for inspiration, as I do have moments, when I feel desperate again in this grief-dance.


But the greatest inspiration are of course the beautiful signs I’ve been getting daily with very few exceptions over these 5 months, which I believe are periods when he’s away to deal with some spirit work.

Yesterday it was an extremely powerful one.

He once gave me a present – a huge pink plush elephant. I adored it’s soft texture and would hug and cuddle in his pink depth and softness in moments of joy and sadness. He was an inanimate but very energetically powered substitute of my friend and I even started nicknaming my friend Ellie in honor of this elephant.

My mom threw him away when I got married, she thought he no longer fitted the bedroom of a decent married woman and carried way too much history (energy in my terms). I felt very sad then to have to say goodbye to him, because even though I already said goodbye to the romantic relationship, I could have never said good-bye to the simple and eternal connection of two loving souls. I have kept many other small things, letters and photos which now heal my broken heart in those stormy moments, but I so long now to hug that pink elephant. I was even planning to buy one for my daughter, but couldn’t find any. Apparently a very out-dated produce.

Imagine my amusement, when yesterday while I was having my nails done, I suddenly saw through the window the very same elephant being loaded into some car. My Ellie still exists and I will find him, that’s how I read this sign.

And at that very moment on came this song in the salon:

I’ll be coming home, wait for me, Ellie.



The afterlife love story from the beginning.