The scent of your embrace

The other day I was looking for a present for your mom on the occasion of her new car…I always get little nice things or sweets for her to cheer up, as if anything can cheer her up at all. Well maybe for an instant at least.

As I approached the car accessory stand in the store IT immediately caught my eye – the car perfume scented J’Adore by Dior.

They say the sense of smell is most closely linked with the memory centres of the brain (if they really know where those are), and everyone must have had these sparks of remembrance due to long-forgotten familiar scents reminding of childhood memories, places, people and most of all feelings.

This scent immediately took me back into your embrace and I could hear you saying again and again how you adore this perfume…on me. It also reminds me of how you loved dropping French words, how you would say Je t’adore now and then. And then memories just queue up one after the other.

My Teacher says that scents are very subtle energies that also attract the dwellers of the subtle worlds and so I hope that this perfume will make your way to your mom even more frequent as she feels your presence just like I do, always and forever embraced by you.

Love

Hope

Assay

 

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The Teacher

I found a Teacher. Or maybe he found me when I was ready. Or maybe you led me to finding him.

You were and are my first teacher. The teacher, that’s indivisible from me, one with me. My mirror showing all my flaws and imperfections, and at the same time infinitely accepting and loving. I didn’t realise it back then, so I turned away and left the mirror covered with a white cloth in an abandoned empty house.

They say the teacher comes when you are ready to let go of your ego, reveal your true essence and learn to love wholeheartedly and sincerely. This brings me back to your last Facebook post, which I’m sure many took as a sentimental goodbye note and already forgot by now. But not me. You just nailed it, when you said “Love more often with divine love.” This was your last lesson and I’m doing my best to learn it and put it into practice. And I can already see the changes in me, in my life and hopefully also soon in the life of others.

Now that you’re not here, you led me to a teacher whom I found in search for the answers. And then, after a series of signs and synchronicities, I became his disciple.

This has been a transformational journey and I still have a long way to go. But I know with each day I’m getting closer to the higher me, us, the oneness.

One realisation that has come to me, that I no longer am attached to you as a separate someone. Songs like “I cannot live without you” don’t ring a bell anymore, because I cannot be without you, simply because you are me and these are not just words, but a deep powerful feeling of oneness and connection, that no longer depends on the physical presence.

I am blessed!

Love

Hope

Shock

Silence

All you left me with is eternity…

Once I walked away, because I decided that for both of us it would be best if we let our love live eternally, without messing it up through morbid relationship games, ego battles and trivialisation of the beautiful grand state of love.

I always believed loving doesn’t mean having the person necessarily tucked under your arm, anyway.

You weren’t happy about the decision, but I never regretted it…I guess I could never imagine what could be the karmic effect of this choice.

The droll fate didn’t keep me waiting long to see.

Now that you’re gone…forever…all I’m left with is the eternity of grand pure love…without you.

But I’ll find a way to work it out, I promise. I’ll sow new seeds and one day, maybe lives away, there will be one eternity for the two of us.

Love,

Hope.

Getting experimental with Karma.
shrooms

Your minutes of my day

You have your minutes in my every day… Each time  the clock shows our time,  I let the world stop and take in the magical feel of those 60 seconds.

No matter what I am doing,  if I see any combination of our secret numbers glowing on the screen of my phone,  I stop speaking,  thinking or whatever and open my heart to receive your message echoing in the eternity. Like in a time machine I teleport into one of those minutes in the past. The feeling I used to get when you would message me in these particular minutes reverbs in my whole essence and gives me shivers,  as if I still feel the flow of the energy of the words coded into these four numbers.

And it enlightens me suddenly that the energy of love never dies…it isn’t even transformed…it just is… eternal.

Love

Hope

 
Cacophony
 

Kissed in bliss

Holidays have become tricky.

With a heavy heart I’m leaving, as I don’t know whether in spirit you would be following me or maybe you’re somehow attached to a place here in the physical…

As if to deepen my concerns, there were no signs from you on the first days of being away, and although I was enjoying the mountainous views, the sound of the waves unfurling onto the grainy shore and the magical sunsets, deep down I was waiting and vigilant.

And then one day I looked up at the sky and knew you were there.

hearts

This was also confirmed next morning during my early sun salutation yoga.

As I was stretching myself and meditating in my favourite Surya Namaskar postures with the beautiful views in front of me, a gorgeous grey horse appeared. It drank some water from the lake and then approached me and smooched me right under my  heart. This was magical, breathtaking…and ooh, Shiny!

I had never before been kissed by a horse, even though I used to take some horse-riding sessions, and I would stroke them occasionally but they would never get this intimate with me.

I appreciate the energy you put into showing up to me in this world and am looking forward to an eternity of this ethereal presence until I too become it.

Love

Hope

Trance

Photo: Colin Anderson / Getty Images

Catapult to the afterlife

These past couple of days have been full of technological know-hows related in one way or the other to afterlife. I wonder if this is a result of my consciousness creating my reality where I, yet unable to connect substantially to the other side through the tools available to me, that is my own mind, am creating aiding technologies to do the work for me. I don’t think any tool would ever replace the spiritual connection that we all are capable of establishing and which we should actually aim at developing, but still as a temporary aid I wouldn’t mind having these at hand.

First I came across the soul-phone! WoW! Have you heard of this concept for a device which will enable communication with the loved ones who passed on!? It’s promised to come in stages, starting with a simple yes-no button widget, then a keyboard which will be a more advanced analogue of the Ouija board where the ones in spirit would be able to type us messages…and then will come the audio soul-phone and, at the very far end of this concept line is a video communication device. I thought it was a prank, but going deeper into the research and people behind this, I must say I’m not that sceptical now. You can watch this if you’re interested and have a spare hour, it really is an interesting presentation!

Next came the movie I-Origins, which I found on a couple of afterlife movie recommendation lists.  The movie was based on the concept that no single eye pattern repeats in two humans, and that the eyes are the window to the soul, and most importantly, and this is a bit of a spoiler, that when people reincarnate they might be recognised by the eyes. There was a technological solution in the movie which would scan the eyes of all people around the world and would store them in a database. Thanks to this database it was possible to identify a person with a similar eye-pattern and find the reincarnate of the deceased loved one. I enjoyed the movie a lot, as it covered a lot of the philosophies I follow, there was a lot about synchronicity, past life memory and twin-flame connection, which is exactly what I live by in this current stage of my life.

After the movie I indulged in the daydreams of one day being able to possibly find the new incarnation of my soulmate, if he chooses to reincarnate at all. I feel like he hasn’t yet, since I can feel his spiritual presence very strongly. I believe, it would decrease or end altogether with him reincarnating. So in a way I dread it, in another I look forward to it…And then I get lost due to not understanding all the mechanics and implications of these possibilities properly. And due to fear of losing touch with him someday.

And then there came the sign, as always at sacred moments like this, when I feel most connected telepathically to him…As if to reassure me that he was still there, with me. As I switched off the movie on my phone, somehow the YouTube app popped up itself, without me launching it, and there playing was the MOST OUR song of all our songs of all time! The song that he used to put on in his car as he would spend the night under my window…The song that would lull us as we drifted into sleep on the two ends of the phone…The song that he would order for me on the radio back in the days when this was one of the most romantic gifts one could give to their beloved. And I had never opened this video on YouTube before this to think that it just stayed there open and somehow reappeared as I closed other apps. It just appeared…itself…

And as the song goes, I am grateful to him for everything! For all these magical moments that keep me sane and going, for the energy that he puts into being there at my side when I most need it. And for the eternal love!

Love

Hope

Evanescent
Survive

Lucid encounter #3

I’m getting better at summoning you into my lucid dream! Tonight, finally!, I was able to get a “real” you, and not a still luminous figure or a holographic copy as I used to before!

I took the HTP-5 supplement, which has proved to be quite helpful for me in inducing lucid dreams combined with the wake-back-to-bed (WBTB) technique. I also used the mnemonic induction technique (MILD) where I did affirmations right before sleep, repeating to myself “this is a dream” right to the moment where I switch off. I also made a plan of actions for once I would be lucid to a) summon you and ask you about the missing painting and b) brush up my piano tribute to you where I’m a bit stuck with the main theme.

At some point in the dream, where I was wandering in some backyards that were familiar but slightly different, I somehow realised that this wasn’t the place where I last remembered myself being conscious and TADA! I was lucid! I checked my hands as I often do for a reality check and I could see my fingers fading, so I was 100% sure I was in a dream.

Interestingly, I could also remember that my last attempt at summoning you through the door technique wasn’t successful and so I almost unconsciously used a different technique, where I said to myself “I will turn around now and you will be there behind a tree”. I turned around and oh my! you were there!!!

I ran up to you and hugged you. I was overwhelmingly happy! At some point I drifted into a less conscious dream, as I don’t remember some details, and I certainly forgot to ask you about the painting 😦 But at some point I remembered about the plan to play the piano and I could again see you at my side sitting on a sofa. On my right side was the piano. I sat at it and attempted to play, but I realised that there was some other noise in the room that was interfering with the piano. There were two blonde girls in the room with us who were supposedly watching the TV. And again I drifted off here and do not remember anything else of what happened next.

In the morning I woke up with a broad smile on my face as I could still feel the warmness of our embrace, like the subtle trail of perfume, an aftertaste of fizzy wine…I am grateful for having been in your company for at least the time of that brief encounter. See you soon!

Love

Hope

Wanderlust

Dream control