Tonight I registered some progress! It wasn’t groundbreaking but still it was a breakthrough that left further cracks and craters in my late ‘reality’ and self consciousness which was significantly shattered after your passing and my brief but profound and mind-altering experiences with lucid dreaming and astral projection/phasing/OOBE.
Tonight again I made up my mind to try to enter a wake-induced lucid dream (WILD) through wake-back-to-bed and FILD techniques (sorry for the extensive terminology). I woke up to my alarm, took the 5 HTP neurotransmitter pill which has proved to be successful twice already in this scenario, put on my headphones to listen to some binaural music which I also find quite helpful and set my intentions for the dream.
I’m still analysing what happened next, because it was different both from a lucid dream and from the first projection experience I had some time ago. But it was mind-blowing!
In about 20-30 minutes I realised my body was asleep and my consciousness was free. I thought I would be entering the dream, like I often do, from the very beginning into some dreamscape, but I was still in my room and in the same reality as I continued to perceive it, but without a body. No indicators of a dream at all. I have had a number of lucid dreams to know the difference. And with all these altered states knowing is usually the only truth and evidence.
At this point I restarted the FILD (finger technique which involves slightly tapping the index and middle fingers to keep consciousness awake while the body sets off to sleep). I felt an electric current in my fingers. I levitated upwards from my bed and was thinking of the next steps, because I could obviously feel this wasn’t a dream and therefore my dream plans were irrelevant. I also got extremely excited just like the first time and felt that I was being sucked back into my body. Just then I realised I was feeling your presence around me. I didn’t “see” you but I knew you were there. I could feel this presence in thought, in heart and in spirit.
I wish I could have stayed longer and I would definitely get my birthday hug. But there’s no hurry, we have an eternity ahead of us. Eternity plus the time I’m destined to spend here trying to connect with you from one world to the other, tuned into your frequency, the frequency of love.
But now I’m off to put on the facade of an ordinary woman, interested in work and routine, political talks and instagram gastronomy.
We were probably walking towards the bench that I had been visualizing for a while and setting a dream intention of, but didn’t get there as I was woken up by the kids, nevertheless this walk of ours felt amazing and so so real, leaving this extremely warm and happy trail of an after-feeling in the morning.
Interestingly, we were walking in the same street where I got your last visitation of the moon. I wonder if this means anything by itself. But I do feel a huge surge of energies in these places when I now walk there after having had these dreams and it feels very strong – this sensation that I have really been here and experienced what I experienced in the dream.
For some reason you told me you did not have much of a selection of t-shirts (being now a free spirit) and that if I wanted I could get you another one (probably, through the power of visualization). I looked at the t-shirt and it was dark blue with some white writings. I even recall the texture of the fabric, so light and semi-transparent. But I couldn’t read the writing. I guess this was again an attempt to give me a trigger, which I missed as always. Instead I grabbed you by the arm and hugged you dearly leaning on your shoulder and smiling so as to say that I don’t really care what you’re wearing, it’s just great to walk like this by your side, my dearest friend.
One interesting thought that visited me later in the day was that the fact of you appearing in my dream with me fully realizing that you have passed away doesn’t trigger me to lucidity as something unusual. It IS unusual to walk with a spirit/ghost and still I think to me you are so much alive and I so truly believe in your existence in the afterlife that I don’t take it as strange.
One other nice coincidence (sign) was seeing a young man in a dark blue t-shirt with writings pretty similar to those of yours today when I was walking in that very part of the street. I even thought I had to take a closer look and read what was written as there could be a message.
The next thing I remember in the dream was someone calling my name. We stopped, looked all around but didn’t see anyone familiar. So I just decided this was a call for someone else and you said there couldn’t be anyone else, I’m the one and only. This reminded me of the phrase that my daughter asked me earlier all of a sudden and which I thought were your words put into her mouth.
And the last thing I remember right before waking up was you saying: “Oh those fears of yours and his”. I don’t understand what fears you would be referring to and who the HE could be, but it keeps me thinking. Perhaps you were talking about the past and why it didn’t work between us, that it was all because of some stupid fears. And the HE is your physical self who is now just one of the many versions of yourself the eternal. The other possibility is that you were giving me a hint that it was because of fears that I could not fully become lucid in a dream or reach out to you in the astral. But then I don’t know who the HE is in this case. And then I feel like I am free from fears, now that I know life is a lesson, we are eternal, I have no fear of death, even some fascination with it, and when one is free of the fear of death, they lose fear of anything else.
This last riddle is going to give me a hard time. But I like your guidance, the way you make me more aware, more thoughtful, inspired and full of love towards you, me, the unknown and this beautiful life. So yes, please, lead me, guide me and walk beside me…more often.
My morning started off with the chinking sound of the door-lock as if someone turned the key, but there was nobody. This was the second time it happened. You have probably gotten stronger in your new form and are already handling physical objects better, just like Sam in the Ghost movie, whom it took some time to learn to operate with coins and then bigger and more significant objects.
I had the whole day filled with our secret number, more than in any one day, and in the exact sequence as it doesn’t always happen. And the last one that had me dumbfounded was the taxi with the number plates holding this number and the actual name of the taxi company, that I saw later written on its side-door was your name! I had never met this taxi company in the city before and I remember thinking about not ever seeing your name anywhere including in taxi names which are very diverse over here. Thank you for this one.
I always thank you for the signs, as I know this means you are keeping me in your thoughts and are satisfying my somewhat childish and demanding requests for signs and permanent proof of presence. This is not because my belief in you is shattered, it’s just my rational mind asking for these constant reminders to stay on the wave and keep supporting the soul-work. So thank you for the patience.
I also appreciated your other sign today when you manifested my thoughts into reality. I was at your grave today and somehow I had this feeling that I must meet your mom there, but I knew this would hardly be possible without prior arrangement as today was no commemorative date and the timing wasn’t usual for her. As I was driving to the exit of the cemetery I saw a car, and thought “Is that her?” but it wasn’t. And I thought “Come on. Stop this.” And right then at the next turn I see her car and her buying flowers for you from where I just bought my usual white flowers symbolizing the purest and most divine love.
I feel such a strong affection towards your mom. And such a strong call from you to see her often, support her, give her some love which you no longer can give her. I love her just because she’s your mom, she gave life to you, she is the only part of you left here with me and I love her unconditionally. I also have a strange feeling, that this affection is not mine. I feel like it’s the You in me who longs to see her, hug her, drop her a message. Thank you for another chance to see her.
I feel like this was a very intense day with so much You in it. I do hope this means we will also meet in my dream or maybe in the astral plane if the mugwort tea I just brewed and took in in huge quantities helps.
More signs have been coming in these days apart from the more usual ones, like numbers and songs.
Another heart, much clearer this time. I just love it, love it, love it! This just cannot happen twice as a coincidence. That would ruin any theory of chance.
I have two versions for explaining this miracle:
This is a drawing by my twinflame friend. I’m obviously inclined to this first version.
This is my consciousness creating this reality around me. This version would mean that my twinflame friend is actually also a product of my consciousness, as is the whole universe, including all of the readers of this blog, yes – you!, and just basically anything. This would mean that I (by saying I – I mean my higher self, the pure consciousness, the universe, the nature) created my friend, I then killed him (removed him from this reality) so that his passage would awaken me, shake me up and lead me on this path of self-realization and new experiences. This is too complicated and as much as I dive into these hypotheses I get lost at some point where my physical brain/logic cannot process it further.
I hope my explorations through OOBE and meditation will help me understand this better and one day I will have the answer.
This one is a blast!
Just recently in a completely new company of people I was meeting for the first time I heard a story about a good man who suddenly fell into coma. He happened to be the son of a composer whose music I adore and a person loved by many for his numerous good deeds as well as work with children who need help. He instantly got my sympathy and although I had never met him, I kept thinking about him. This thinking got me as far as the possibility of people in coma to be somewhere on the astral plane, where an experienced astral traveller could possibly reach them and talk to them and possibly guide them back to their physical body in case if they have just accidentally got lost.
I was thinking of trying to do that and tuning in to this story during my next astral projection attempt, but because I realised I was not yet that experienced and energetically strong to navigate the astral planes that purposefully, I immediately thought to ask my friend to help this man if he can and if he is my guardian angel now.
A week later this man wakes up from coma.
The same two versions apply here as well. I’m even happy for this to be the third version – a coincidence! It doesn’t matter. All that matters is that a good man is back to life and can continue bringing happiness and beauty to life and the people around him.
I was never a particular fan of rain. It felt like happiness was only existent in a sunny warm weather. I now find happiness in the rain.
Because it allows me to feel my natural sadness of these days. While the sun unwillingly forces me to have fun.
Because it hides the tears.
Now the most important two:
Because he is now part of it, part of the universe, and rain gives him a physical form and he becomes feel-able and touchable. And I allow him to rain down on my face, my hands and gently hug and kiss me.
Because I feel like it should be easier to astral project when it’s raining. Either because water is a good conductor of cosmic energies or because the sound of it helps meditate or for some other reasons I am not fully aware of…not yet.
Astral projection has become quite a thing for me after his passing. I always had flying lucid dreams and as I started exploring the possibilities for connecting with deceased people through dreams, I stumbled upon the astral projection topic, which was quite a favourite one for my friend and we would always have the debate of whether dreams were actually happening in one’s mind or on an astral plane.
As a strategic and analytical person, I set myself a task of developing my skills in lucid dreaming and astral projection and explored literally all possible methods and techniques, starting with the very spiritual, on to empirical and often pop methods and ending with quasi-scientific/academic approaches. I’ve combined all the knowledge and put these all methods to test and eventually I’m having significant progress in just two months.
To some this might seem a wrong motivation for exploring astral projection, but I believe it isn’t. I have always had this strong conviction, that if anything is done for/with love, it can’t be wrong. Love is my driving force now as well and I’m sure that the possibilities that astral projection would offer, should I be able to establish the connection, could be used for the world, for sharing this love and supporting the overall positive and love-forming energy in the world. I know that’s ambitious, but that’s what drives me forward. And if there’s any 0.1% chance that this might be possible, I’m going to give it a go. And if there’s 1 person in the Universe who has been able to do this, I will, too.
I will be posting separately about the astral projection experiences, techniques and interesting findings as I go along and will be happy about any experience-sharing and discussions.
I was waiting for the green light in my car, when suddenly a car stopped next to mine. It had airbrush tattoos all over it with wolves and the moon. It instantly reminded me of my dear old friend who had a special affection for wolves. I peeked into the car, expecting to see the familiar features, but it wasn’t him. I thought this was a sign, that I needed to call him, as for the past two years I was busy with my youngest daughter and didn’t even have a chance to call on my friend’s birthday as I always used to.
It eventually was a sign. Next morning I learned that at the very time of the sign my friend had taken a drug and died in the next 1-2 hours. Died. Full-stop.
I will not go into a lot of detail about how I felt at that moment, the extent of my sorrow and self-blame for not having called on him for the past two years and not having called him at the very moment of the sign, which is when I could have probably helped him out. Almost 3 months past now, I still cannot forgive myself and settle with the idea of him passing away. But what is 3 months, anyway, in the eternity of missing someone.
143 is in the air
Back when we were younger we were in love, or we thought we were as at the time we couldn’t quite figure out the nature of our relationship as there wasn’t yet enough maturity. At that time he made up a numeric code for expressing “I love you” and he would call or text me at the time when the clock would show this numeric sequence. These numbers, and it is not a master number sequence, although the latter as well, are now everywhere I look. Call it coincidence, synchronicity, probability theory, I don’t care, the important thing for me is that one of these things reminds me of love all the time. I am in the mood of love and this makes life so much more beautiful.
I can feel you, I can even hear you
We had our favourite radio, it would always play music that expressed our feelings. Nowadays (well at least at the moments when I tune to it) this radio plays songs about the loss of loved ones, their continued presence in our lives, the need to open your heart, close the eyes and dream, “…and I will be there”. Again, a manifestation of one of those logical explanations of the ‘impossible’. And, again, I don’t care. What does it take to try and close the eyes and dream, and believe. What if it works.
This has brought me to the exploration of lucid dreams, out-of-body experiences, astral projection, Kundalini energy, Sattva Yoga and many more subjects new to me, but not new to my friend who was a big esoteric fan. Whatever the outcome, I’m happy I’ve opened up for new knowledge, new experiences and sensations, that help me achieve harmony and happiness.
The present from the other side
19th day without him on the planet Earth. International women’s day. Everyone give flowers to their hearts’ ladies. I suddenly thought that he never gave me flowers and never will, sadly. At that very thought a dry autumn leaf just flies into my car through the open window. An autumn leaf, in the middle of spring and green trees, no wind. Just like the autumn leaf that he once found very beautiful and took a photo of it. I stumbled upon this photo right after getting this flower. Another magical series of coincidences.
I was sad once, run-down by one of those early-spring depressions, but
when I opened my window I saw a huge yellow sun drawn on the road. And him standing there smiling. I love that smile. That’s one of the things, along with his deep, uniquely-shaped eyes, that I miss more than anything about the physical body that is now soulless.
On the fortieth day of his passage I was especially alert, watching/hearing/feeling out to any signs and sensations. I somehow thought that this was the day when his soul would leave this “reality” for higher planes. Again there was a song that made me particularly sad and when I looked up at the sky, tears pouring from my eyes, I saw this huge heart drawn with the clouds. Here’s the actual photo. The heart got distorted a little on the right side before I took out the camera and captured it, otherwise it was a perfect heart!
UPDATE:Got a new heart some time later. Perfect this time around. You can check it out here.
The young medium
I was buying food at the counter, when suddenly a little girl tapped me on my leg and as I turned to see who that was, she looked at me right in the eye and said “I love you very much!”. I was literally on the edge of breaking down with tears. She didn’t know me, she didn’t mix me with anyone she knows, she came up to me of all the 1000 people in that store without even seeing me and said this. I asked “Do you love everyone?”, she said “No, only the good ones!“. Never, ever, had such thing happened to me before. Deep in my heart I know why and how this happened now.
UPDATE:About a month later, I was visiting my friend’s mom. We do meet occasionally to support each other and share some memories of our beloved soul. In a conversation she suddenly said: “You were special for him. He didn’t really care for too many people around him and didn’t let them close enough to himself. Only the good ones!“.
I will be posting here about any new interactions and signs as I experience them.
In the meantime I would love to hear other stories of afterlife signs/communication.
POLL: I would also love to know what others think of these experiences. Are they signs, coincidences or fantasies.
Through this blog I’m going to keep record of a new journey that I’ve embarked on – a strange, out-of-the-world and at times unbelievable experience of an afterlife relationship. This is mostly for myself to have a “secret diary” of the events, but I’m also happy to share this with anyone who might be in a similar situation and might need reassurance and affirmation. I’ve been there myself and I know how someone’s positive experience might cheer up at a time when you think it’s all over and your loved one is gone forever.
This blog is going to be all about love in it’s purest form – not to be confused with any single form of love in the physical world, rather their cumulative expression where love is you in your entirety.
There might be controversial pieces of experiences, as I am still in the learning process and am exploring the unknown, stumbling and falling, checking and discrediting, theorizing and practising.
I will also be happy for any comments and feedback from the readers. I think this quest to the higher realms and our consciousness should actually be a communal effort. I now see this as an overarching priority for the humanity, which we’ve distanced ourselves from dramatically. There is, however, so much potential still untapped or available to only the few lucky ones.
I hope I will enthuse you to look into these things “supernatural”, to find love and happiness and share it along.
As the end of this brief introduction I would like to note that I am sane, or well I have always been considered such, although sanity has become a relativism for me nowadays just like anything else in this reality. But just so that you know, if you wonder, who’s the author of all of these phantasmagorias, I am a mother of two, a mid-career senior manager at a global organization, a founding partner of a charity social enterprise, non-religious with mostly Buddhist views, a multi-form artist in my spare time and a happy person overall.