Ramona, when day is done you’ll hear my call

My day always starts with the recording of my nightly adventures in the dream journal. Today I wrote down some of the episodes that I could recall and it hit me that one name from the dream was somehow
unusual and it was specifically stuck in my memory. I can even remember how in the dream I was telling myself not to forget this name.

Ramona was the name of a lady in my dream who was supposed to guide me in some aspects of my job.

A strange name, and I cannot even recall stumbling upon this name anytime in my waking life. As I thought of this I decided that it might be a sign, so I just Googled it to see what would be the first thing I would be drawn to. And I found this lovely song by Jim Reeves:

Somehow the lyrics just resonated with me and perhaps, given that you always gave me messages through songs, this is also a message from you that “when the day is done, I’ll hear your call, and we’ll meet by the waterfall”.

Interestingly, everytime I meditate and try to connect to you, I picture you sitting on a rock beside the water with your back to me. Perhaps that will be our meeting place by the waterfall. I’ll be waiting for the call, I’m always in the waiting mode, tuned into our frequency.

Love

Hope

Fragrance

A message from behind the door

My last couple of dreams were full of signs and messages from you. Although you weren’t there, it was still nice waking up knowing we were connected in a way…it’s all about energy exchange after all.

In the first of the message dreams I got a handwritten note from you, which was an A5 sized lined piece of paper that I found as I opened the door. I knew you were no longer alive in the physical world and so I got happy as I thought you found a way of sending messages from the other side. I can’t recall the text but the essence was very positive…again this was all on an energy level, not words.

Interestingly the following morning, as I woke up and was having breakfast with the kids, the doorbell rang. I went to open, but there wasn’t anyone. I thought someone just mixed up the door and went on having the breakfast. In about half an hour there was another ring at the door. I hurried this time to see if there was anyone, and again – nobody. I opened the door to check if there was any note (crazy, I know), but there was none, and I couldn’t hear anyone walking in the building either. I am convinced that this was you. The main entrance to our buildilng is coded and nobody could have entered just to have fun ringing at people’s doors. And needless to say, none of the neighbours would have done it either. And then it linked perfectly to the dream, where I got the note / the sign from you / after opening the door, so this is all a perfect match.

And then that very night there was another dream.

I was at a military parade where there was a demonstration of new machinery. My friends went to the backstage while I decided to stay where I was and observe the show. I then got a facebook message from you. Again, I was perfectly aware that you were no longer in this world, but I was able to read the messages this time. There was this very tender address, that I so miss, where you call me in your special ways…and then you were telling me that you were alive and that you just had some problems with the laws and had to be hiding. You also sent me a photoshopped picture of you & me and at the side of the picture there was a little boy of about 6 years old and a callout that said “Dad, let me play some more”. You found this was a funny postcard, but my heart was racing like crazy. There was also a link to a song on youtube from Sade…we both loved her songs a lot back then. There were millions of thoughts in my head, as I was trying to understand how it could be that you were alive, as I saw your lifeless and disfigured face during our final goodbye at the funeral (that creepy image of you still haunts me from time to time and causes me terrible heartbreak..) and then I was thinking of the right words to tell you now that I probably had very little time. I chose to write that I missed you terribly and that I was longing for an embrace. I woke up at that point and it all faded away. All those moments of happiness remained behind the dream veil and I was left with the you-less reality.

I gave it some more thought as I was now awake, imagining how if that could have been true, I would find the place where you were hiding and I would have a chance to hug you again and see your smile…oh those daydreams…what would I be doing without them.

I didn’t have any signs from you since then, but I’m sure there will be more coming. Because I just can’t imagine my life without them any more. Keep ringing at my door, dropping stuff at my place, drawing hearts in the clouds and putting on the songs we loved on the radio. Please do!

Love

Hope

Heritage

Unmoored

Lucid encounter #3

I’m getting better at summoning you into my lucid dream! Tonight, finally!, I was able to get a “real” you, and not a still luminous figure or a holographic copy as I used to before!

I took the HTP-5 supplement, which has proved to be quite helpful for me in inducing lucid dreams combined with the wake-back-to-bed (WBTB) technique. I also used the mnemonic induction technique (MILD) where I did affirmations right before sleep, repeating to myself “this is a dream” right to the moment where I switch off. I also made a plan of actions for once I would be lucid to a) summon you and ask you about the missing painting and b) brush up my piano tribute to you where I’m a bit stuck with the main theme.

At some point in the dream, where I was wandering in some backyards that were familiar but slightly different, I somehow realised that this wasn’t the place where I last remembered myself being conscious and TADA! I was lucid! I checked my hands as I often do for a reality check and I could see my fingers fading, so I was 100% sure I was in a dream.

Interestingly, I could also remember that my last attempt at summoning you through the door technique wasn’t successful and so I almost unconsciously used a different technique, where I said to myself “I will turn around now and you will be there behind a tree”. I turned around and oh my! you were there!!!

I ran up to you and hugged you. I was overwhelmingly happy! At some point I drifted into a less conscious dream, as I don’t remember some details, and I certainly forgot to ask you about the painting 😦 But at some point I remembered about the plan to play the piano and I could again see you at my side sitting on a sofa. On my right side was the piano. I sat at it and attempted to play, but I realised that there was some other noise in the room that was interfering with the piano. There were two blonde girls in the room with us who were supposedly watching the TV. And again I drifted off here and do not remember anything else of what happened next.

In the morning I woke up with a broad smile on my face as I could still feel the warmness of our embrace, like the subtle trail of perfume, an aftertaste of fizzy wine…I am grateful for having been in your company for at least the time of that brief encounter. See you soon!

Love

Hope

Wanderlust

Dream control

Dreams as clues

I once painted us…sitting on a bench with trees behind us. Although the embrace was very tender, the trees in the background were telling a different story. The one on his side was in full green, while the tree behind me was all faded yellow. It was autumn in my heart, still warm but with a breath of the inevitable winter. And there was that evergreen tenderness in his eyes…

The painting was long hanging in my room until I got married and moved out. My mom took it off the wall and wasn’t sure what to do with it, so I decided to give it to him. He took it eagerly but I never knew what eventually the fate of the painting was.

I still don’t.

After he was gone I was trying to find it, but it wasn’t at his place, his mom had never seen it and after searching in all possible places it was nowhere to be found.

And then I thought that it might be a good idea to ask him to lead me to the painting in my dreams. Not long after he came into my dream and was in a bathroom, leaning over the tub. I told him I could remember perfectly the phone number of his grandparents’ place where he used to stay quite often and where he would call me from during the long overnight talks. I said the number in the dream and made a mistake in the first two numbers, which he laughed at, but then I corrected myself.

I woke up and immediately let his mom know about the dream, asking her to check out the grandparents’ bathroom. She checked everything, including climbing the ceilings, but it wasn’t there. That would probably be too easy and too fantastic.

But I’m not giving up. I will still be waiting for more clues until I find it. Not that my walls are empty without it, but that would be a very strong sign that you’re still there. I don’t even need the painting, as I have grown very unattached to material things. I have the painting in my heart, and my heart is an overcrowded gallery of memories of you, framed like stills from our life, each starting to play in a loop as a thought of a moment lingers in. Priceless, unforgettable moments…

Earth

Spike

Rendezvous for eternity

For some time I have only been getting very subtle signs from you, mostly finding our numbers everywhere I look. It has become so natural though, that I almost started to complain in my thoughts about the vagueness of your interaction. And although I’m trying not to complain about anything these days and be happy and grateful for everything that life brings about, this one has probably made its way into the space and you have picked it up to come and soothe me yet again that you’re there and our thoughts and energies are constantly connected.

As part of my dream experimentation I have started taking a great interest in all related literature, movies and other materials. A recent series came to my attention some time ago and I put it on my to-watch list. Although, again, I’m trying to restrain myself from any TV brainwashing and disturbing information flow these days, special movies still make me revive the otherwise mute black screen.

Here I am, watching the Falling Water series, which is mainly telling about shared dreams, where the protagonists are natural lucid dreamers and they are finding themselves in the same dream with each other to try and solve their real life problems.

One of the protagonists is in love with a dream character who at some point gets into trouble and he is trying to use conscious/lucid dreaming to find and save her. With this storyline unfolding, I was already relating to how I am trying to establish a connection with you through my lucid dreams and how possibly we can help each other through this interaction.

And here comes this episode where the guy finally realises how he can enter the dream to find her, so he rewinds the reality to recover the burnt envelope with the photo clue to the girl’s whereabouts, and when he turns this photo, I am dumbfounded! Of all the possible number combinations in the world there is our number (in reverse, because this is the mirror reflection of the waking reality)!

I take this as another strong sign from you that I am on the right track and the dreamworld and parallel dimensions are the place for us to be…together forever in the infinite eternity.

Love

Hope

   
Exquisite

Ambience

Just another dream that vanished

Isn’t it amazing how in a dream you just switch off a certain part of your memory and live out some crazy scenarios without questioning. You remember the people, their names, some previous activities and relationship history but you forget some other aspects of ‘real’ life.

I tend to forget in my dreams that you’re not alive anymore. Is it because deep down in my mind I do not accept this fact, and by this I mean really NOT accepting, because in the dream you would usually get your hidden fears, desires and thoughts revealed and slapped in your face. So if it were just not fully accepting and running away from ‘reality’, I would probably be forced to accept the naked truth outright in my dream. But I am not.

It took me weeks of pleading for you to finally visit me in a dream again. And it was such a nice getaway from the pain and tears of the last couple of days.

I ran into you during a yoga retreat in some Austrian countryside spot. There were beautiful green hills, quirky pathways and cosy tents. I was surprised to see you there as it wasn’t typical of you to attend such events. But I was delighted to have a chance to spend some time with you. We were riding bicycles and chit-chatting. And the cutest gift of the dream was the warmest hug I gave you which lit you up with happiness.

I woke up with endless warmness in my heart and with a reinforced intention to get back to the active lucid dreaming practice to have a more conscious interaction with you.

Thank you for the visit and for giving me some peace of mind for a while that you’re still there for me and are just a dream away.

Love

Hope

Finding Your Place

Conundrum

Knock-knock, are you there? [Lucid dream No.2]

This time it was my flagship dream-induced lucid dream (DILD) where I start flying and realise it’s a dream. I used to have these dreams for as long as I remember myself, much more frequently in the past, none in the last 10 years and with all the practice nowadays I am starting to recover.

I was on the beach with a friend of mine, got into the sea with my jeans on, stepped in too deep at some point and got my trousers all wet. Ran out of the water and this vast sandy beach was so inviting, as a runway for a plane, and I ran forward to take off flying. As soon as I did, I realised that I was dreaming. I landed immediately and started to look for you in an urgent rush.

It’s so interesting the way our subconscious works…it stores everything, our intentions, our memories of the past and future, of the eternity, all our choices, all our fears and desires. I believe, it stores the entire consciousness.

In a lucid dream we are able to access all of that, interact with this existential source, extract valuable data and even programme ourselves. Of course our mind is unable to interpret all of the data and so it translates it into symbols, shapes, sounds, colours, places and even people.

Lucid dreams are amazing, I think there is such a huge potential hidden therein that could be transformational for humanity. Perhaps this is the key to unlocking the door to the 95% of the spare potential of our brains that we are currently not able to utilise.

Doors…this is an effective technique for lucid dream control. When you want to change the dreamscape or want something to appear, the easiest way is to look for a door and have the intention of finding what you want behind that door.

I used this technique to find you, but I probably had a weak intention or maybe there was some disbelief and you weren’t there, not behind the first, nor the second and all the following doors…

I was very sad but in a dream you have to act quickly, otherwise you will lose control. So I decided I would fly again and I flew to the moon. An amazing flight it was, I sped up at some point and next thing I could see when I turned around was the blue and white of the Earth from space.

I didn’t get to the moon, though, because at some point I started thinking, and thinking/reasoning is not so good in a dream. I thought whether the space really is how we know it or maybe it’s an illusion, a lie and suddenly everything around me turned into light blue and white cardboard, torn and folded here and there…

I ruined the dream or maybe it was the manifestation of my new reality without you…all torn and lifeless…

Where are you? When will I find you again in my dream? Perhaps I should look in the places where you appeared in the past dreams. Or maybe I just have to place a stronger intention. I know it’s a matter of time and I will find the right door,
trust me. I will open it and you will be waiting there ready to take me into your arms and to tell me again “Look who’s there!”.

Love

Hope

Underground

Embraced by your presence on the frequency of love [Successful Out of Body Experience]

Tonight I registered some progress! It wasn’t groundbreaking but still it was a breakthrough that left further cracks and craters in my late ‘reality’ and self consciousness which was significantly shattered after your passing and my brief but profound and mind-altering experiences with lucid dreaming and astral projection/phasing/OOBE.

Tonight again I made up my mind to try to enter a wake-induced lucid dream (WILD) through wake-back-to-bed and FILD techniques (sorry for the extensive terminology). I woke up to my alarm, took the 5 HTP neurotransmitter pill which has proved to be successful twice already in this scenario, put on my headphones to listen to some binaural music which I also find quite helpful and set my intentions for the dream.

I’m still analysing what happened next, because it was different both from a lucid dream and from the first projection experience I had some time ago. But it was mind-blowing!

In about 20-30 minutes I realised my body was asleep and my consciousness was free. I thought I would be entering the dream, like I often do, from the very beginning into some dreamscape, but I was still in my room and in the same reality as I continued to perceive it, but without a body.  No indicators of a dream at all, just trance-like state. I have had a number of lucid dreams to know the difference. And with all these altered states knowing is usually the only truth and evidence.

At this point I restarted the FILD (finger technique which involves slightly tapping the index and middle fingers to keep consciousness awake while the body sets off to sleep). I felt an electric current in my fingers. I levitated upwards from my bed and was thinking of the next steps, because I could obviously feel this wasn’t a dream and therefore my dream plans were irrelevant. I also got extremely excited just like the first time and felt that I was being sucked back  into my body. Just then I realised I was feeling your presence around me. I didn’t “see” you but I knew you were there. I could feel this presence in thought, in heart and in spirit.

I wish I could have stayed longer and I would definitely get my birthday hug. But there’s no hurry, we have an eternity ahead of us. Eternity plus the time I’m destined to spend here trying to connect with you from one world to the other, tuned into your frequency, the frequency of love.

But now I’m off to put on the facade of an ordinary woman, interested in work and routine, political talks and instagram gastronomy.

Love

Hope

Birthday birth-death ponderings

It was my birthday the other day. Of course I didn’t celebrate as I just didn’t have enough strength to celebrate life when I was still mourning death. I know you aren’t happy about it and would have encouraged me to celebrate, but I just couldn’t, not this time. I would have to
pretend that I’m having fun, and pretending is the thing I hate most.

I also asked for a present, which I’m still waiting to receive – a new dream, where you would wish me a Happy Birthday and would give me a hug, just like this

Is that too much to ask? No, I’m sure it isn’t and I’ll be waiting as much as needed, even if it’s my next birthday. Because what’s a birthday, a relative value, nothing. It’s one day in lunar calendar, another in the Chinese calendar. And in fact when are we born? When we leave the womb on a scheduled C-section day, or natural birth day or when the conception occurs, or never at all, because we are eternal and never die and are never born…

I guess, there was one more reason why I didn’t celebrate. Once many years ago you asked me what would happen if you were to die in your 33, I said I would die in my 35. That was due to our age difference, as you are two years younger. Words and wishes of this sort have a very strong power. It is my 35 birthday. I’m not afraid. In fact I am amazed that I am still here. Given the relationship that I am now discovering we have and the power of this union I am totally bewildered that by some wondrous chance I wasn’t gone the same day, the same moment as you. I must have some really important stuff to deal with here if I continue to remain.

Well, if so, once again – Lead me, guide me, walk beside me. And don’t forget about my birthday present!

Dilemma

Quest

My bi-reality – Visitation No 4

I think I’m becoming bipolar by choice, living on the
fragile border between two worlds, thankfully or maybe regretfully yet being able to discern one from the other. Aura-sensitive people say these days I look transparent. I wonder if this means I’m getting close to changing my frequency one day and disappearing at will like a real alien.

Last night I was analysing your visitations in my dreams and I saw a pattern that alarmed me. It seemed as though you were getting more and more distant. On the very first appearance of yours, when we were on the boat, you were my dear old friend, laughing and sharing stories, in the second you were just smiling from the moon, the third one was a friendly walk but it was mostly me leaning to you, making jokes, and you were serious and calm, somewhat superior and giving me some ‘instructions’ about working on my fears etc. In the very last dream, which I do not consider a visitation, but an invite from me where I summoned you in my lucid dream, you were so remote, so out-of-touch, you didn’t even look at me and it was just me observing your lit-up posture and calling out to you at no avail.

And this made me think of a terrible thing to think, that you are ascending to higher realms and leaving everything, all the memories and earthly experiences behind. Now as a free spirit you see the bigger picture, all your eternal path and on that path I might be just a tiny pixel. You have soul-work of universal importance and all these fears and cravings of mine are but a distraction to you. Until I could stop these thoughts, they already made their naughty way into my unconscious. I calmed it a bit by thinking that you’re my twinflame, there’s no way you could sign me off as unimportant. What came next was probably something that, if vocalised, would sound like a desperate cry while drowning and trying to grasp for air in the midst of a fractured call for He-eee-llppp.

I said “Please, please show me I am wrong, please come to my dream as my dear friend, show me I’m still important to you”. With that strong intention and a plan to wake up in the middle of the night to increase my chances of a lucid dream I went to sleep.

As if by magic, I was woken up by my thirsty daughter at the best time around 3 am. Took my 5-HTP pill which worked in this very combination with a WBTB (wake back to bed) method last time and with my intention engraved in my unconscious went back to bed.

I had something like a semi-lucid dream mixed with a visitation dream.

I was walking, or maybe flying up some stairs and suddenly was up on the roof of a building. In front of me there was another demolished building and at my eye-level there was a room without a facade, all in ruins and there were three friends sitting and having a boisterous talk. He was in the middle. He saw me appear there on this roof and gave a very warm welcome in his usual manner that I could immediately recognise. He said “Look who’s here!!!” and I waved him and blew him two kisses.

I thought “Oh my! This is so real! Might it be that he is not even dead in the physical, maybe he’s just hiding somewhere…”. I knew it was a dream, I just wasn’t controlling it, because it had taken me exactly where I wanted to be.

The next instant he teleported himself right in front of me like a
superhero, giving me the tightest hug one can feel in a dream and a kiss.

I now know you feel the same about me, I always knew it and am very sorry for doubting you…it’s just that the unknown scares me and however hard I try to raise my vibrations and think, or even live on a higher frequency, my fears and human emotions take over sometimes and leave me perplexed.

Be by my side here and now, and always…please.

Love

Hope

Together eternally one

 

The afterlife love story from the beginning