Lucid encounter #3

I’m getting better at summoning you into my lucid dream! Tonight, finally!, I was able to get a “real” you, and not a still luminous figure or a holographic copy as I used to before!

I took the HTP-5 supplement, which has proved to be quite helpful for me in inducing lucid dreams combined with the wake-back-to-bed (WBTB) technique. I also used the mnemonic induction technique (MILD) where I did affirmations right before sleep, repeating to myself “this is a dream” right to the moment where I switch off. I also made a plan of actions for once I would be lucid to a) summon you and ask you about the missing painting and b) brush up my piano tribute to you where I’m a bit stuck with the main theme.

At some point in the dream, where I was wandering in some backyards that were familiar but slightly different, I somehow realised that this wasn’t the place where I last remembered myself being conscious and TADA! I was lucid! I checked my hands as I often do for a reality check and I could see my fingers fading, so I was 100% sure I was in a dream.

Interestingly, I could also remember that my last attempt at summoning you through the door technique wasn’t successful and so I almost unconsciously used a different technique, where I said to myself “I will turn around now and you will be there behind a tree”. I turned around and oh my! you were there!!!

I ran up to you and hugged you. I was overwhelmingly happy! At some point I drifted into a less conscious dream, as I don’t remember some details, and I certainly forgot to ask you about the painting 😦 But at some point I remembered about the plan to play the piano and I could again see you at my side sitting on a sofa. On my right side was the piano. I sat at it and attempted to play, but I realised that there was some other noise in the room that was interfering with the piano. There were two blonde girls in the room with us who were supposedly watching the TV. And again I drifted off here and do not remember anything else of what happened next.

In the morning I woke up with a broad smile on my face as I could still feel the warmness of our embrace, like the subtle trail of perfume, an aftertaste of fizzy wine…I am grateful for having been in your company for at least the time of that brief encounter. See you soon!

Love

Hope

Wanderlust

Dream control

Rendezvous for eternity

For some time I have only been getting very subtle signs from you, mostly finding our numbers everywhere I look. It has become so natural though, that I almost started to complain in my thoughts about the vagueness of your interaction. And although I’m trying not to complain about anything these days and be happy and grateful for everything that life brings about, this one has probably made its way into the space and you have picked it up to come and soothe me yet again that you’re there and our thoughts and energies are constantly connected.

As part of my dream experimentation I have started taking a great interest in all related literature, movies and other materials. A recent series came to my attention some time ago and I put it on my to-watch list. Although, again, I’m trying to restrain myself from any TV brainwashing and disturbing information flow these days, special movies still make me revive the otherwise mute black screen.

Here I am, watching the Falling Water series, which is mainly telling about shared dreams, where the protagonists are natural lucid dreamers and they are finding themselves in the same dream with each other to try and solve their real life problems.

One of the protagonists is in love with a dream character who at some point gets into trouble and he is trying to use conscious/lucid dreaming to find and save her. With this storyline unfolding, I was already relating to how I am trying to establish a connection with you through my lucid dreams and how possibly we can help each other through this interaction.

And here comes this episode where the guy finally realises how he can enter the dream to find her, so he rewinds the reality to recover the burnt envelope with the photo clue to the girl’s whereabouts, and when he turns this photo, I am dumbfounded! Of all the possible number combinations in the world there is our number (in reverse, because this is the mirror reflection of the waking reality)!

I take this as another strong sign from you that I am on the right track and the dreamworld and parallel dimensions are the place for us to be…together forever in the infinite eternity.

Love

Hope

   
Exquisite

Ambience

Just another dream that vanished

Isn’t it amazing how in a dream you just switch off a certain part of your memory and live out some crazy scenarios without questioning. You remember the people, their names, some previous activities and relationship history but you forget some other aspects of ‘real’ life.

I tend to forget in my dreams that you’re not alive anymore. Is it because deep down in my mind I do not accept this fact, and by this I mean really NOT accepting, because in the dream you would usually get your hidden fears, desires and thoughts revealed and slapped in your face. So if it were just not fully accepting and running away from ‘reality’, I would probably be forced to accept the naked truth outright in my dream. But I am not.

It took me weeks of pleading for you to finally visit me in a dream again. And it was such a nice getaway from the pain and tears of the last couple of days.

I ran into you during a yoga retreat in some Austrian countryside spot. There were beautiful green hills, quirky pathways and cosy tents. I was surprised to see you there as it wasn’t typical of you to attend such events. But I was delighted to have a chance to spend some time with you. We were riding bicycles and chit-chatting. And the cutest gift of the dream was the warmest hug I gave you which lit you up with happiness.

I woke up with endless warmness in my heart and with a reinforced intention to get back to the active lucid dreaming practice to have a more conscious interaction with you.

Thank you for the visit and for giving me some peace of mind for a while that you’re still there for me and are just a dream away.

Love

Hope

Finding Your Place

Conundrum

Knock-knock, are you there? [Lucid dream No.2]

This time it was my flagship dream-induced lucid dream (DILD) where I start flying and realise it’s a dream. I used to have these dreams for as long as I remember myself, much more frequently in the past, none in the last 10 years and with all the practice nowadays I am starting to recover.

I was on the beach with a friend of mine, got into the sea with my jeans on, stepped in too deep at some point and got my trousers all wet. Ran out of the water and this vast sandy beach was so inviting, as a runway for a plane, and I ran forward to take off flying. As soon as I did, I realised that I was dreaming. I landed immediately and started to look for you in an urgent rush.

It’s so interesting the way our subconscious works…it stores everything, our intentions, our memories of the past and future, of the eternity, all our choices, all our fears and desires. I believe, it stores the entire consciousness.

In a lucid dream we are able to access all of that, interact with this existential source, extract valuable data and even programme ourselves. Of course our mind is unable to interpret all of the data and so it translates it into symbols, shapes, sounds, colours, places and even people.

Lucid dreams are amazing, I think there is such a huge potential hidden therein that could be transformational for humanity. Perhaps this is the key to unlocking the door to the 95% of the spare potential of our brains that we are currently not able to utilise.

Doors…this is an effective technique for lucid dream control. When you want to change the dreamscape or want something to appear, the easiest way is to look for a door and have the intention of finding what you want behind that door.

I used this technique to find you, but I probably had a weak intention or maybe there was some disbelief and you weren’t there, not behind the first, nor the second and all the following doors…

I was very sad but in a dream you have to act quickly, otherwise you will lose control. So I decided I would fly again and I flew to the moon. An amazing flight it was, I sped up at some point and next thing I could see when I turned around was the blue and white of the Earth from space.

I didn’t get to the moon, though, because at some point I started thinking, and thinking/reasoning is not so good in a dream. I thought whether the space really is how we know it or maybe it’s an illusion, a lie and suddenly everything around me turned into light blue and white cardboard, torn and folded here and there…

I ruined the dream or maybe it was the manifestation of my new reality without you…all torn and lifeless…

Where are you? When will I find you again in my dream? Perhaps I should look in the places where you appeared in the past dreams. Or maybe I just have to place a stronger intention. I know it’s a matter of time and I will find the right door,
trust me. I will open it and you will be waiting there ready to take me into your arms and to tell me again “Look who’s there!”.

Love

Hope

Underground

Embraced by your presence on the frequency of love [Successful Out of Body Experience]

Tonight I registered some progress! It wasn’t groundbreaking but still it was a breakthrough that left further cracks and craters in my late ‘reality’ and self consciousness which was significantly shattered after your passing and my brief but profound and mind-altering experiences with lucid dreaming and astral projection/phasing/OOBE.

Tonight again I made up my mind to try to enter a wake-induced lucid dream (WILD) through wake-back-to-bed and FILD techniques (sorry for the extensive terminology). I woke up to my alarm, took the 5 HTP neurotransmitter pill which has proved to be successful twice already in this scenario, put on my headphones to listen to some binaural music which I also find quite helpful and set my intentions for the dream.

I’m still analysing what happened next, because it was different both from a lucid dream and from the first projection experience I had some time ago. But it was mind-blowing!

In about 20-30 minutes I realised my body was asleep and my consciousness was free. I thought I would be entering the dream, like I often do, from the very beginning into some dreamscape, but I was still in my room and in the same reality as I continued to perceive it, but without a body.  No indicators of a dream at all, just trance-like state. I have had a number of lucid dreams to know the difference. And with all these altered states knowing is usually the only truth and evidence.

At this point I restarted the FILD (finger technique which involves slightly tapping the index and middle fingers to keep consciousness awake while the body sets off to sleep). I felt an electric current in my fingers. I levitated upwards from my bed and was thinking of the next steps, because I could obviously feel this wasn’t a dream and therefore my dream plans were irrelevant. I also got extremely excited just like the first time and felt that I was being sucked back  into my body. Just then I realised I was feeling your presence around me. I didn’t “see” you but I knew you were there. I could feel this presence in thought, in heart and in spirit.

I wish I could have stayed longer and I would definitely get my birthday hug. But there’s no hurry, we have an eternity ahead of us. Eternity plus the time I’m destined to spend here trying to connect with you from one world to the other, tuned into your frequency, the frequency of love.

But now I’m off to put on the facade of an ordinary woman, interested in work and routine, political talks and instagram gastronomy.

Love

Hope

My bi-reality – Visitation No 4

I think I’m becoming bipolar by choice, living on the
fragile border between two worlds, thankfully or maybe regretfully yet being able to discern one from the other. Aura-sensitive people say these days I look transparent. I wonder if this means I’m getting close to changing my frequency one day and disappearing at will like a real alien.

Last night I was analysing your visitations in my dreams and I saw a pattern that alarmed me. It seemed as though you were getting more and more distant. On the very first appearance of yours, when we were on the boat, you were my dear old friend, laughing and sharing stories, in the second you were just smiling from the moon, the third one was a friendly walk but it was mostly me leaning to you, making jokes, and you were serious and calm, somewhat superior and giving me some ‘instructions’ about working on my fears etc. In the very last dream, which I do not consider a visitation, but an invite from me where I summoned you in my lucid dream, you were so remote, so out-of-touch, you didn’t even look at me and it was just me observing your lit-up posture and calling out to you at no avail.

And this made me think of a terrible thing to think, that you are ascending to higher realms and leaving everything, all the memories and earthly experiences behind. Now as a free spirit you see the bigger picture, all your eternal path and on that path I might be just a tiny pixel. You have soul-work of universal importance and all these fears and cravings of mine are but a distraction to you. Until I could stop these thoughts, they already made their naughty way into my unconscious. I calmed it a bit by thinking that you’re my twinflame, there’s no way you could sign me off as unimportant. What came next was probably something that, if vocalised, would sound like a desperate cry while drowning and trying to grasp for air in the midst of a fractured call for He-eee-llppp.

I said “Please, please show me I am wrong, please come to my dream as my dear friend, show me I’m still important to you”. With that strong intention and a plan to wake up in the middle of the night to increase my chances of a lucid dream I went to sleep.

As if by magic, I was woken up by my thirsty daughter at the best time around 3 am. Took my 5-HTP pill which worked in this very combination with a WBTB (wake back to bed) method last time and with my intention engraved in my unconscious went back to bed.

I had something like a semi-lucid dream mixed with a visitation dream.

I was walking, or maybe flying up some stairs and suddenly was up on the roof of a building. In front of me there was another demolished building and at my eye-level there was a room without a facade, all in ruins and there were three friends sitting and having a boisterous talk. He was in the middle. He saw me appear there on this roof and gave a very warm welcome in his usual manner that I could immediately recognise. He said “Look who’s here!!!” and I waved him and blew him two kisses.

I thought “Oh my! This is so real! Might it be that he is not even dead in the physical, maybe he’s just hiding somewhere…”. I knew it was a dream, I just wasn’t controlling it, because it had taken me exactly where I wanted to be.

The next instant he teleported himself right in front of me like a
superhero, giving me the tightest hug one can feel in a dream and a kiss.

I now know you feel the same about me, I always knew it and am very sorry for doubting you…it’s just that the unknown scares me and however hard I try to raise my vibrations and think, or even live on a higher frequency, my fears and human emotions take over sometimes and leave me perplexed.

Be by my side here and now, and always…please.

Love

Hope

Together eternally one

 

The afterlife love story from the beginning

Holographic you (Lucid dream no. 1)

Yesterday night I had my first lucid dream in the AY (it still is a challenge for me to define or even think of your absence as of death, passing away…). If for the best part of the world there is an era defined as BC – Before Christ, then the era that started for me 6 months ago is the AY – After You.

I used to have natural lucid dreams in my teens, I didn’t even know they were special, I thought it was common for everyone to have them. I lost this special ability to the routine of life, to its worries and fast paces. I only remembered about them when you were gone and I was searching for the ways to find you, to connect with you.

After months of practice and failed attempts (grief is a very bad companion on the lucid dream journey), I finally became lucid in my dream of yesterday.

I’ve been taking a supplement that is supposed to help with lucidity and on the 6th day of taking it I got the desired result. Of course, it was combined with many other techniques and daily practice, but this will hopefully not remain a unique experience, rather a start of a wonderful journey ahead. Everything came gradually and I’m sure this is just the beginning.

And so I gently slip into the dream after waking and going back to bed taking my supplement (this is the important technique) and instantly realize I’m in a dream. I am standing in front of a mirror where I know I see myself. The reflection in the mirror as I recall it now is not my usual reflection, in fact isn’t me at all, but a different face I distinctly remember, glowing with a white positive light, which for some reason I take for myself in a dream. Perhaps this is my dream self or even some higher self, but that would take further attempts to figure out.

I remember, or my subconscious has it, that I set myself three intentions for the next time I become lucid:

1. Fly

2. Summon you

3. Compose music

Here I am flying. I clearly see all the landscapes below, from a bird’s eye view. I missed this sensation of flight that I used to experience pretty often as a teenager. It somehow gives the feel of lightness, freedom and carefree adolescence, and with the loss of these in life it was only natural to lose their reflection in the dreams. I feel like my yogic practice and the meditations have brought back some of this peace of mind and happy sattvic state which found their echo in the flying dreams.

Next item on my list and it was on my mind throughout the flight, as if I was trying to prepare for it and get some energy or maybe courage. Next thing I’m calling out for you. Never did anything like that in my past lucid dreams, but I’m expecting it to work like an instant teleportation to where you are or you manifesting right there by the power of my thought. The latter turns out to be the way it works, at least that time in that dream. I can see you standing in some distance, in a red t-shirt this time. But you look aloof, detached, don’t even look at me. I try to call you again, but you still do not turn my way. You even look strict, as if I didn’t have to do this and this was inappropriate. I let you go and the rest of the plans don’t matter, so I leave the music thing for another occasion and just give myself in to the flow of the dream, occasionally telling some of the dream characters that this is a dream they’re in and catching their surprised looks.

I have some more non-lucid dreams before I wake up. But despite the fact of the succeeded attempt of a lucid dream I woke up depressed and sad. I am still trying to figure what it was that I manifested…was it just a holographic lifeless projection of my memory of you, or was it you, but forced into my dream at an inappropriate time. I feel like I’ve wronged it but again it would take some more attempts to figure that out. I must admit I am a bit scared of attempting that again, to meet your cold and iron-like figure instead of the long awaited super-tight hug is something I am not at all prepared for. But I am a stupid cow (sorry, cow), remember? I won’t stop until I’m told so in my face, so if there is something wrong in calling you into my dream, you will have to tell me that. I very much hope, though, that this is just a failed first pancake and that we have an amazing journey ahead of us. I worked so hard to get there…

 

Love

Hope

 

The afterlife love story from the beginning

 

Visitation No. 3

We were probably walking towards the bench that I had been visualizing for a while and setting a dream intention of, but didn’t get there as I was woken up by the kids, nevertheless this walk of ours felt amazing and so so real, leaving this extremely warm and happy trail of an after-feeling in the morning.

Interestingly, we were walking in the same street where I got your last visitation of the moon. I wonder if this means anything by itself. But I do feel a huge surge of energies in these places when I now walk there after having had these dreams and it feels very strong – this sensation that I have really been here and experienced what I experienced in the dream.

For some reason you told me you did not have much of a selection of t-shirts (being now a free spirit) and that if I wanted I could get you another one (probably, through the power of visualization). I looked at the t-shirt and it was dark blue with some white writings. I even recall the texture of the fabric, so light and semi-transparent. But I couldn’t read the writing. I guess this was again an attempt to give me a trigger, which I missed as always. Instead I grabbed you by the arm and hugged you dearly leaning on your shoulder and smiling so as to say that I don’t really care what you’re wearing, it’s just great to walk like this by your side, my dearest friend.

One interesting thought that visited me later in the day was that the fact of you appearing in my dream with me fully realizing that you have passed away doesn’t trigger me to lucidity as something unusual. It IS unusual to walk with a spirit/ghost and still I think to me you are so much alive and I so truly believe in your existence in the afterlife that I don’t take it as strange.

One other nice coincidence (sign) was seeing a young man in a dark blue t-shirt with writings pretty similar to those of yours today when I was walking in that very part of the street. I even thought I had to take a closer look and read what was written as there could be a message.

The next thing I remember in the dream was someone calling my name. We stopped, looked all around but didn’t see anyone familiar. So I just decided this was a call for someone else and you said there couldn’t be anyone else, I’m the one and only. This reminded me of the phrase that my daughter asked me earlier all of a sudden and which I thought were your words put into her mouth.

And the last thing I remember right before waking up was you saying: “Oh those fears of yours and his”. I don’t understand what fears you would be referring to and who the HE could be, but it keeps me thinking. Perhaps you were talking about the past and why it didn’t work between us, that it was all because of some stupid fears. And the HE is your physical self who is now just one of the many versions of yourself the eternal. The other possibility is that you were giving me a hint that it was because of fears that I could not fully become lucid in a dream or reach out to you in the astral. But then I don’t know who the HE is in this case. And then I feel like I am free from fears, now that I know life is a lesson, we are eternal, I have no fear of death, even some fascination with it, and when one is free of the fear of death, they lose fear of anything else.

This last riddle is going to give me a hard time. But I like your guidance, the way you make me more aware, more thoughtful, inspired and full of love towards you, me, the unknown and this beautiful life. So yes, please, lead me, guide me and walk beside me…more often.

 

Love

Hope

Rare

 

Fifty

 

The afterlife love story from the beginning

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Revelation

Today is 6 months since you’re gone and I have mixed emotions. It’s no different a day from the 180 preceding days. Days without the chance to hear your voice, get a text from you, see your eyes and drown in them, agree on a date and without specifying the location successfully find each other.

Today I still cannot do any of these things, but cherish the memories of them. Instead I can do many other things and I just realised that today I can suppress the urge to cry which I couldn’t do before. I feel like this urge comes on auto-pilot, because we have to cry on memorial anniversaries. But I don’t need to cry, because you’ve shown me on a number of occasions, that you’re in a place where you feel good. I feel your presence all the time. I used to have a friend who I would text or call once in a while, now I have an angel in heaven, who guides me 24/7, gives wonderful signs, proves that we are eternal and teaches me many new things in life.

I wonder if this is a characteristic of a twin-flame relationship. When it comes to a dead-end in the physical and the twins cannot stick to their divine plan one of the twins sacrifices his physical existence to wake the other twin up and through spiritual guidance carry out their starseed mission and reunite. In the light of all the unusual things happening to me over the last half a year, I cannot rule this out, moreover, I feel somewhere deep inside that this is exactly what has taken place on the spiritual level, perhaps even without my twin’s physical self realizing this.

When I first thought of this, I felt a huge blastwave of self-blame cover me up and burn me to ashes. It took me some time to come to terms with this idea and to accept the higher purpose of this sacrifice if it was one.

123456 again in a random order in the top notification bar on my phone, 333 words in the text of my post…Thank you for bringing me into this sync with the universe where we are one eternally.

Off to the dreamworld for another chance to hear your voice, to drown in your eyes and to sit on our favourite bench…together.

Love

Hope

 

Scribbles from the other side

Omg I have a package that you left for me before passing away and I’m holding it in my hands now. No idea where I got it from. It’s an A4 size envelope that I’m opening hastily. Two books and two packs of colour pencils, I gather, for my daughters, one is a bit smaller for my younger daughter and the other is bigger, it’s probably for the elder. You always loved my daughters, I know.

I take out the small red book, flip the cover and there’s a writing that you left for me. I can’t figure out what’s written. What a terrible handwriting you have. I re-read it once, twice…no chance. I put it away and think that I’ll try to decipher it later when I’m home. Wait, where am I?

There’s a sofa in front of me, on it I can see a mid-size grey plush elephant. Great! This is probably your room and you bought yourself an elephant to remind you of your present to me, my Ellie. Above the sofa is a window. I go and check out the view and see some buildings with some billboards in my language, great I’m in my city. This is probably your grandparents’ place.

Suddenly through the window I can see my daughter’s nursery teacher walking past and entering the place. Oh! Ok, so I’m in the nursery. And then there’s a performance by the children and some other dream characters I don’t know and other bizarre stuff. And then I wake up.

I can’t remember when I last woke up so happy and so disappointed at the same time. This wasn’t a visitation dream, like the two ones I had earlier, but getting a trigger from you in a dream was very cute! How on earth could I not recognize this trigger, though. I practise this daily, ask myself if I’m dreaming and check writings on billboards, screens and in books, whether they read fine or are unreadable, which is a red-flashing sign that this is a dream. And here you go, I have this wonderful trigger in the dream and I continue dreaming without wondering why is that that I can’t read what’s written. Bad handwriting…yeah…stupid cow! this is what I call myself in times like this and then immediately I think that it’s such a disgrace for someone like me practicing all the yoga and observing the 8 limbs to label a cow as stupid. Dear cow, please forgive me.

One other technique of lucid dreaming apart from reality checks like reading text, is the Mnemonic Induction of Lucid Dreams (MILD). This is when you use your memory to induce a dream. There are methods like repeating to yourself your intention to become lucid in the dream right before sleep, I do that all the time. The other method is to visualize your last dream and imagine as if it continues and you are lucid in it. So what I did this morning was going back to bed again and trying to resume the dream and become lucid. Didn’t work. Fell asleep and had some other crazy dreams.

When I woke up again I tried another technique. Daydreaming. Easy, I do that all the time. And the Fun! began.

I rewind the dream and then wake up, going on my business. I then meet a friend of my twin in the street and he passes me the package from the dream, saying that it was requested by him that the package be passed to me exactly on this date, that is after I have the dream. So the dream was real! I take out the red little book and flip the cover, it says: “Nothing will ever change my love for you, not even death”. This very sentence he wrote to me back when we were still dating. I cannot read it without tears now.

End of daydream.

Back to reality. Analysis. Dream journal. Writing down all the details of the dreams. Had five in a row tonight. Logging my choice of food and herbs last night that led to this productive dream-night. Bananas and mugwort tea. Although the whole week has been very productive since I started taking mugwort, asparagus roots and B6. This surely is going to lead to a DILD (Dream Induced Lucid Dream) if I don’t forget my reality checks during the day. I’m so close to it. The triggers are there, some dream characters who are already dream signs I can recognize. Just a little left and I will be able to lucid dream at will. And there we can meet and talk and I will hug you oh so strongly.

For those of you who might be new to the subject but interested, here’s a video that you can explore:

 

Love

Hope

Ghost

 

The afterlife love story from the beginning.